Right Now...

Following many other writers in the blogosphere...right now I am:

watching: well, I would like to be watching "Covert Affairs," but it gives me the creeps when I am alone and I could not sleep two nights ago, so...

eating: waffle and yogurt for breakfast. used the oven to toast the waffle, since I do not have a toaster! Stir-fry for dinner last night- yum!

drinking: yummy mochadoodle coffee

wearing: pink westie pj pants, and Damon's Ole Miss shirt

avoiding: writing another paper about my feelings. oh, counseling school.

feeling: hopeful and optimistic. I am getting married in 30 days! whoa!

missing: Damon. Homeboy is defending his thesis tomorrow! woohoo!!

thankful: for getting through the semester. with one week and two papers to go, I am in the home stretch. Sometime in October I think I seriously thought the world would end before this day would ever come.

weather: COLD! Chance looked like a fire-breathing dragon while I rode him yesterday. Seriously, the high today is 45, and snow is predicted for tomorrow!

needing: motivation to get all of my school work this weekend so that I can enjoy St. Louis for a week before I leave!

loving: flannel sheets, all of the thoughtful people who have thrown or come to my showers this semester- seriously, what a blessing, letterpress artwork, my almost finished Christmas quilt, my iPhone, the fact that I am almost about to marry Damon Stone Webster, hot chocolate, stir-fry and the ever-fuzzy and always energetic Chancers!

The BIG City!

St. Louis is the first big city I have ever lived in. I have lived on the outskirts of a couple of big cities (Oklahoma City, Jacksonville, Brussels, Houston), but never IN a big city. But the mail that comes to my door every certifies that I, Natalie Kate Haynes, live in St. Louis.

It can be kind of easy to forget this though, so thank goodness for that daily postal reminder. I go to a small school that has a cozy campus and I know a lot of people there. I go to the barn a lot, which is not city-esque at all. Everyone drives trucks out there- how much more non-city can you get?! I know where three feed stores are, and where to buy things that horse wormer and alfalfa hay. I don't think many city dwellers know those kind of things. My house looks surprisingly neighborhood-esque, despite being three minutes from the interstate.

But then, about a month ago, St. Louis did something that will be forever etched in my big-city memory. I listened to the radio daily with baited breath, folks. I started caring about something called the "rally squirrel." The St. Louis Cardinals WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!

It was awesome. My favorite big city radio commentators really made the experience for me. I loved seeing the city rally around the team. The kids at the school where I worked would rattle off baseball trivia their parents told them...that I would subsequently rattle off to other people, to pretend that I was a real St. Louis-ian.

Three cheers for big city living!! And GO CARDS!

The local Macy's supports the Cards. How sweet.

Thoughts on Transition

Three weeks have passed since I moved to Missouri. I am less than four months from getting married {!!!!!!!!}. I am hoping to hear about a job this week.

My house is completely out of boxes, and thanks to my mom and Aunt Joyce, everything is set-up too. I have gotten to see Damon once and my future in-laws twice. Chance is doing well and everyone likes him at the barn.

So what about grad school?!? Well, books such as "What Am I Feeling?" "Far As the Curse is Found," and "Anatomy of the Soul," are on my current reading list, with 15 others coming quickly behind them. I have loved the topics that we have covered so far.

I hear the question you are begging to ask. "Natalie, you aren't really in grad school. You are at seminary. What is that like? Isn't it so weird?"

It is true. I am pursuing a Masters of Arts in Counseling at a seminary. Before college the word "seminary" would have freaked me out. I thought that was a place for monks and nuns. For the most part, however, "seminary" and grad school really are not different. We have reading assignments and due dates. Our professors are educated in top schools around the world, and I often leave class day-dreaming about being as smart as them.

If I am completely honest, however, there was one "Wow, I am at seminary!" moment. It was two weeks ago at the convocation ceremony. I wish I had had a camera. I was in class right before the ceremony and our professor said he had to "dress up." I thought he meant a suit and tie. Oh boy was I wrong. "Dressing up" happens to give a historical nod to the men who were instrumental in forming the foundations of the church. Our twenty-first century professors may or may not have dressed like this guy:

Next year, I am bringing a camera. It was wonderful. We sang great hymns, and I got goose-bumps as we were given our "charge" for the year.

WHY the heck did I ever move??

I’ve just moved to St. Louis. It hasn’t exactly been a joy ride. Moving is stressful. There are so many factors to consider- are my favorite dishes going to break? Will I ever make friends? Am I going to pass my classes? How am I going to arrange the furniture? Thoughts flitting around at ninety miles a minute, all the while convincing myself that nothing is going to work out the way I planned. So WHY do it? WHY move? WHY the heck did I move to Oklahoma in the first place? Sure seems like a whole heck of a bother.

It IS a bother. When I left Florida I cried with Mom and Kristin. When I left Oklahoma I cried with Sally, Damon, Doug and Julie. These were not great moments. All of those people were really hard to leave. They are all a huge part of my life, and it was gut-wrenching to say goodbye.

But it some senses, having it be gut-wrenching is better than it not making me feel anything. The reason it was so hard is because I will be sad to not be around them everyday, not going on walks with them, not playing Agricola with them, not seeing each other at Plaid. We have been involved in one another’s lives and truly known one another. I don’t want that to stop. It hasn’t stopped yet with Mom or Kristin. Leaving people you truly care about should be gut-wrenching.

I still haven’t answered the question “why.” Doug told me it is because if nothing ever changed, we would all be stuck in the same place all the time. Nothing would ever progress. At the time I thought, “well that is fine for him to say, he gets to go back to Norman where the people I love live.”

But what he said is true. If I never left Orange Park or Norman, I would never get my counseling degree, and there would never be more counselors. And we need more counselors. Bad.

I have needed counseling before. Lots have people have needed and do need it. We need people to counsel, and counsel with Jesus. Any old quack could say “it is going to get better.” I think it is going to get better, but I can’t really promise that. But Jesus made all things new, and there is a lot of hope and joy in that reality- especially among the messes of our lives.

So, I am here for some bigger purpose {not that that makes me a bigger person.} A bigger purpose that seems really small in importance right now. I hope to find joy in it. I hope to find joy lurking around here somewhere, right in between my two broken dishes and all the empty boxes.

Day 6: Books

Without really meaning to, I have established a little collection of Children's Bibles. The Big Picture Bible on the left I read to my campers every night at Camp Desoto, Summer 2008. The Child's Story Bible is used at a classical academy in the area, is a little more grown up than the others, and is my most recent addition. The Jesus Storybook Bible is one that I did a Bible study on in the Spring of 2010 with OURUF.

What is important about all of these Bibles is that they do not reduce the Bible down to pointless stories. I put special importance on this since it was a big hindrance to me becoming a Christian. As a teenager, I did not understand why people kept asking me if I was saved, or even why they cared to know about my relationship with Jesus. Wasn't this whole Christianity thing just about a bunch of nice stories anyhow?!?

Each of these Bibles have their own way of making children's text accessible as well as filled with the hope and the truth of the Gospel.

The Big Picture Bible

The Jesus Storybook Bible

{the artwork is my favorite}

The Child' s Story Bible

Day 5: Today's Breakfast

I often visit the barn the first thing in the morning. It is a peaceful way to start the day. In this hot Oklahoma heat, however, it is hardly desirable to leave the house with a steaming cup o' joe. Since my sweet mom gave me a Starbucks giftcard when I was home last week, I swung by the coffee monopoly and got a grande iced caffee americano! Yum!

Day 4: Clouds

This picture was taken last summer out at the barn where I keep my horse. Beautiful tree line with a cloudy Oklahoma sky!

Happy 4th of July!