I’ve just moved to St. Louis. It hasn’t exactly been a joy ride. Moving is stressful. There are so many factors to consider- are my favorite dishes going to break? Will I ever make friends? Am I going to pass my classes? How am I going to arrange the furniture? Thoughts flitting around at ninety miles a minute, all the while convincing myself that nothing is going to work out the way I planned. So WHY do it? WHY move? WHY the heck did I move to Oklahoma in the first place? Sure seems like a whole heck of a bother.
It IS a bother. When I left Florida I cried with Mom and Kristin. When I left Oklahoma I cried with Sally, Damon, Doug and Julie. These were not great moments. All of those people were really hard to leave. They are all a huge part of my life, and it was gut-wrenching to say goodbye.
But it some senses, having it be gut-wrenching is better than it not making me feel anything. The reason it was so hard is because I will be sad to not be around them everyday, not going on walks with them, not playing Agricola with them, not seeing each other at Plaid. We have been involved in one another’s lives and truly known one another. I don’t want that to stop. It hasn’t stopped yet with Mom or Kristin. Leaving people you truly care about should be gut-wrenching.
I still haven’t answered the question “why.” Doug told me it is because if nothing ever changed, we would all be stuck in the same place all the time. Nothing would ever progress. At the time I thought, “well that is fine for him to say, he gets to go back to Norman where the people I love live.”
But what he said is true. If I never left Orange Park or Norman, I would never get my counseling degree, and there would never be more counselors. And we need more counselors. Bad.
I have needed counseling before. Lots have people have needed and do need it. We need people to counsel, and counsel with Jesus. Any old quack could say “it is going to get better.” I think it is going to get better, but I can’t really promise that. But Jesus made all things new, and there is a lot of hope and joy in that reality- especially among the messes of our lives.
So, I am here for some bigger purpose {not that that makes me a bigger person.} A bigger purpose that seems really small in importance right now. I hope to find joy in it. I hope to find joy lurking around here somewhere, right in between my two broken dishes and all the empty boxes.
